Self worth...Is it a worthless cause?

Day after day we are bombarded with images that show women not understanding or seeing their worth. Hell, at some point we may have fallen into the trap.  We also see images of women who do, and they are always considered to be the “rude”, “bitchy”, or “bitter”. What has happened to the time when we placed pride in ourselves and emotional health? I’m not talking the old times of the mild and demure woman, but a time when even the neighborhood “harlot” was understanding of her worth.  She knew what and who she wanted and still demanded respect. Seemingly, things have changed and now there are generations of women who will damage future generations if we don’t at least seek openly and frankly with our sisters and brothers about doing and being better. 

Growing up,  I was taught to have confidence and to take pride in myself, to always strive to be the good person I was taught to be. Yet, once I got school aged I learned a very different lesson. That all my worth was in how I looked or how I was received by my peers, boys more specifically. I was somewhat of a tomboy as a kid and would oftentimes be a fly on the wall of these conversations about the girls in our class or that they knew. I would hear all the things that were favorable and unfavorable about these girls for the perspective of these boys. At that time I didn’t know any better to speak against it, instead I used it as a guide to navigate through my own experience with myself and the boys/men I encountered. I used it as a guide to be the girl that the boys I wanted liked and wanted in return. It wasn’t until I was older and had one summer of horrible choices that I realized that the way I was going about things left me feeling empty or less than. I couldn’t figure out why… Why did I feel so shitty? I mean I got all these nigga’s I can call, I’m cute, I got money, I’m your niggas favorite girl. I mean I’m nasty in the just the right ways, but I try to be sure no one would never know unless we had encounters.  So, why couldn’t I shake the yucky feeling if I was supposedly doing so well? I had to sit down and have a real good look at myself and the things I really deemed important. Sure, I had all these dudes I could call, but did they really know or value me? Did they know all of the amazing things about me or was I just a really good time? What did they see when they looked at me? Was I prize or a notch? Then I began to ask those same questions of myself. Why did I feel like being “that girl” was important or of value? Did I value myself as much as I wanted others to value me?

It wasn’t until I took a good hard look at myself and detoxed from the world, that I saw the true brainwashing behind our society and its views on self worth. Not just for women, but men, too. I was able to look at many situations that I had been in and see where I went wrong. I def didn’t do it alone, though. I have an amazing group of friends that helped and stayed with me through my various journeys calling my b.s. and side eyeing along the way. I’m grateful to have always been able to surround myself with good people for the most part and was able to not slip too far into the “Hype”. 

So… I’m sure you want a break down of what the “Hype” is. It’s the false ideals and ideologies that are pushed by our society and media. It is the belief that we have to be something we truly aren’t to get the attention we desire. It is the fact that attention for all the wrong things get rewarded and the good things often shunned. It is the belief I have to be something I’m uncomfortable with myself to get where or who I want in life. Maybe even the fact I have to stay in relationships longer than needed or put up with things detrimental to my life/happiness for the sake of acceptance or approval.