Everything we never were..

 It was the ending of one chapter and the beginning of another. It was the summer of change and whimsical possibility...

I met this man and went on this journey. We explored the possibilities and never thought of the boundaries set on reality.  Never mind the outcome, I was just so relieved to feel a feeling other than hurt. I was happy to feel like I could belong to a person. I tried hard not to fall in his depth, or so I believed. I, willingly, poured myself on him in hopes he would absorb me and we could become something different. Something amazing and unheard of… Something like a new believable kind of love story. I just knew that I wanted to feel this connection no matter what. 

On one spring day, it hit me… It was all just me. Almost a year in and I had lived this whimsical idea alone. I spent many nights holding on to him in my mind. Thinking, I had something more than a memory and a missed call. I held on to this idea that there was something more there and if I just held on the reward would come. On said spring day, I realized it would never come and I will never feel that way again. It was a high I kept trying to chase in the form of an ever elusive drug called “Him”. I hated myself for setting my whole self up for failure. I could never bring myself to hate him because I did this to myself. I made us everything we never were...